So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
