I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
