if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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