I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize