So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
