speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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