would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
