his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
