i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
