I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
