Everything about him screamed your future.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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