Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
