we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i've created a new STD.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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