I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
