Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
