hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
this is an emotional support booty call
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