meet me or not, i'm out of control
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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