Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
