it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
