Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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