No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
