His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
