Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
of course. lets lasso hookers.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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