I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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