Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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