I saw his package. It spoke to me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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