and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
