tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There's always time for handjobs
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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