im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
