textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
