I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
