She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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