96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
