I wanna bring you to show and tell
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize