I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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