Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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