mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize