can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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