it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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