wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
