Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
