My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
