are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
