I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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