i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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