A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
