A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
