I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize