the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
