Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
