I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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