if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
