i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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