I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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