He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My pussy is not your playground.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
