i wish my penis had a tongue
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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