i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
