awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
