Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
