my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
