he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
