My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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