Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
