Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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